Angel

Precious Universe,

I met someone God hand molded and spoke the breath of True Life into; creating this perfect Angel that now walks among us.  Our paths have crossed despite oceans and earths.  I wanted to thank you for her friendship and our connection.

I consider our last date, our official first (after our first meeting); and it could not have been more ideal, intelligent, romantic, relaxing, and intense…all while we just got to know each other better, in ways like why a woman needs over fifty purses, shoes and the like, and yet how did I manage to have a favorite handbag and shoe designer, but then again I love my Roberto Cavallli and Prada Sunglasses.  I like pretty feet.  She has them.  I like long hair to play in.  Her long brown tresses are soft and amazing.  But when we opened herself up to sharing in my playlist of music, songs that remind me of her, I was impressed, and thrilled that she reciprocated with an awesome classic-looking chick Imelda May.  A bluesy, melodic, sultry voice over live instrumentation, new discovery referral, which I always find so fricken’ cool.   Who really wants to, has the time to (btw impossible) go looking through every cd for the gems that move and rock us? 

It was natural to be with her.  It’s so not about sex- but her ways, little subtle ones, how she doesn’t let me get blind-sided by holding back info, the fact that Vickies get almost as much attention from her as they would from me.  I like smart.  She’s crazy smart and has a great sense of humor.  It is simply the nearness of her (as that song from Nora Jones).  And it’s her laid-back style that’s exactly what I need in my world right now.  I must admit, she’s getting the amp’d up J, when I am usually the calm one.  But I hope she loved the time we shared as much as I did.  I can’t wait until we have more, and what treasures our next date hides.  Well hides would be the wrong word, especially since we have quickly established honest, upfront communication.  As per my Code, I really can’t waste time with trivialities like that.

This friendship reminds me of that piece I posted called ‘If I’m Feelin’ You’ a month or so ago.  She is at the helms and I am enjoying our long walks in her gardens.

Remember back when you where a teenager sneaking on the phone & talking low all night?  I am that teenager right now.  I’m crushing ya’ll!  Help me -J :D

P.S. May my bbg never feel lost again, not even for a moment.

Suicides

Salutations Universe and ALL My Beautiful Beings in Attendance for Life,

Here are the tweets I posted this morning:

A close friend barely escaped an attempted suicide 1 1/2wks b4 mass death news. CAN reason B found btwn chaos&sorrow of a dead 13yo gay boy?

What if that ignorance knocked on my Fam’s door with its Intolerance against creed, color & origins of which WE R MANY? Violence-2-deaths.

I dislike concepts of weighing values of Beings, at all. But even w/out “elders” Us kids live by a Code & it doesn’t accommodate losses.

I’ve learned that GlenLivet is smooth&comforting 2 a point of course more of a distraction is every single thing I can’t help, reach or love.

Here are my first jots at random ranting about all this:

I decided not to tweet and blog through tears. So I basically disappeared.  Nasty world this is becoming –yea?  ‘Cuz to look back, there were never so many humans/beings on the attack.  I mean what kind of epidemic is that?  Lives are being cut short on so many levels & for SO many reasons, often (at least recently) escalated by the fuel of the idiotic thoughts (and lack thereof) of superiority (that they don’t even believe) & complete lack of respect & tolerance towards another Being.  Whether color, race, breeding, beliefs, whatever differences lay between.  It’s been a few weeks now, but still when I think, about just ONE student whose only need, was to get through his or her school day safely……I start to freak, hands shake, head screams, can’t sleep.  Why was that Being’s walk home made to be such a mountainous feat?

To whom it may concern,

You’re hatin’ who’s in the mirror so bad you feel like draggin’ a little kid down with ya? WTF?  And you choose him just because of who he was?  At 13, I bet he probably had 10-times the insight than you on his Whos and Whats, identity new but secure…..but along comes your ass & tries to beat out all that is pure!  My frustration and pain lend way to heartache’s strain, in the highest form of anger my physical body can contain, without all these words becoming blurred again, free from restraint, I hate.  And hating isn’t how I live, my code’s of respect honor & love of all, but right now you’re a part of all & I can’t see around your acts, I can’t wrap my mind around the facts that this whole thing didn’t have to go down anything like that!  And I don’t care ‘bout your excuses, from the wrong side of the tracks, undisciplined & never taught the right way to act, void of conscious now? Pick one fault & stick with that!  Fuckin’ liar & coward & sucker, hope you get sentenced so long your bedmate wears out that ass!  *calming myself & making every effort to breathe* You know what ignorant bastard, eventually I’ll be able to handle this with more couth, but for today I had to vent your poison & rant all about you –waste of space perhaps, but these last statements come from my heart, in truth, straight to you.  If we were eye-to-eye, I’d take my time (like days), face-to-face, hearing you plead your case, to no avail, but open ears, to hear every single formation of every single one of your tears come pouring from fear, taunting’s what you like to do?  Taunting is what I’d do to you.  I’m a professional in such things, quickly have you at your end over & over & over again, hangin’ from a buildin’, in crash-test-dummy conditions, under water then up again beggin’ to let you drown but I’ll give no such permission.  But don’t get me twisted, you’re not a mark with the goal of submission.  Silly boy, I do want to know what was your purpose, what were you thinkin’ & why………but honestly I want to kick your ass until I FEEL A LITTLE BETTER before sending you packin’ to Hell like swattin’ a fly, cut your life short too…..so I can finally get some shuteye.  Just J. 

Btw just because I possess what it takes to end a life, or torture one, does in no way kick me into some category or stereotype (here we go with that intolerance again), placing a white label on my lapel with "Violent Beware" in big red letters.  If violence was to be Your last resort, wouldn't it be prudent of you to become at least familiar with it?  

Cheer-up

Hello Universe & Observers,

A close friend of mine is in the hospital; so please pray for healing and to be restored to 100% health.  I’ve been at his side, try to make him laugh etc… Got him a private room, so we were watching Dane Cook, Katt Williams, Ellen DeGeneres, Chris Rock,  and a few others, before he fell asleep and I crept out until tomorrow.

            Even as a potentially new Bodhi brother, in training and testing mode; he is assured the best quality of healthcare, resides in our compound, and as soon as he’s released, will have a few different individuals, mainly THC, watching over him; and keeping his attitude and energy in his suite.  He need him for a special invite only California contest with the main prize being fifty grand.

            Going for a nice long motorcycle ride tonight, currently alone; but who knows. ;p  I do miss conversation with the elusive Angel I keep missing online due to her U.K. time. But I’m heading out & hope to see her later on.  Any new friends, or if I hadn’t talked to you in a while; please comment here, or send me a tweet.  I always write back.

            Much Luv – J.

Oh yeah, another banana pic. I think crazy Will had just gotten her digital cam & was walking around telling every (but Ice) to pose! I'm silly, get use to me! :P